Rage Against The Olsen Machine

Rage Against The Olsen Machine

It’s no secret to anyone, especially my husband and our checking account, that I kind of love shopping. What can I say, though? It’s the estrogen. It makes me do it.

Shopping is always a bit of a challenge for me, though (which is probably exactly why I love it). Long gone are the days when I wore nothing but baby doll dresses with Doc Martens. As well are the days where I wore nothing but plaid, zippered bondage pants and fishnet shirts (I’d show you pictures, but I’m pretty sure my mother burnt them all). I like good clothes. I like good labels. But I don’t like looking boring, either. (And, let’s face it, once you go from bondage pants and fishnet shirts, it’s all pretty much boring.) So, it’s not uncommon for me to be seen in a Calvin Klein dress and striped knee highs.

So for that reason, my three favorite stores are Bloomingdales, Urban Outfitters, and Anthropologie. You can never, ever go wrong with anything from Bloomingdales, but it’s pretty easy to look cookie-cutter and boring if you do nothing but shop there. Urban and Anthropologie are great for some trendier/funkier pieces and they’re still really well made. So, it usually works out well for me.

But dude. Seriously. What the fuck is going on lately? I mean, have you been shopping AT ALL? Have you SEEN some of the bullshit that these stores are trying to pass off as fashion? I mean, it’s borderline offensive now.

Let’s take Urban Outfitters, for instance. This:

urbn plaid.jpg
It has to be a joke, right? If it was the only thing that was that hideous, I would think maybe it was just me. But, I’m really thinking that someone is playing a big joke on everybody:

urbn ugly sweaterurbn denim dressurbn ugly dress
I mean…Right?! Someone out there is so sure that the public is so easily persuaded into believing something looks good just because it’s marketed as being in style, that they can get everyone to walk around in this shit in public as they sit back and have a good laugh. I’m convinced.

Anthropologie always has some pretty bizarre pieces. That’s nothing new. But, ummmm, can I please ask what’s with the Mormon-Wear?

anthr mormon dressanth mormon skirtanth mormon shirt
I’d feel like I was supposed to be birthing a dozen kids while sharing Bill Paxton’s bare ass with my other sister wives. But I mean, hey, if that’s you’re thing…

The maternity ward called. They want their Mu-Mu’s back.

Please, I’m begging you guys, DO NOT FALL FOR IT! I’m all for diversity and wearing what makes you feel good no matter what the label or the trend. Fashion really is all about personality. BUT THIS!!! This is all just a big ploy to try to make you look like a clown. And I’m convinced that these freaks are the evil behind it all: